Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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