Yo dont text me then not text me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
