Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
