I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
