she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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