found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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