If that was your dad, he is hot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
