how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
