GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
