He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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