Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
