I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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