My room smells like vodka and shame
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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