I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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