i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
