a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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