Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
