he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
