You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
