The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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