Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
