Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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