Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
