Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
