Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's like God shit irony all over that family
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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