Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
