Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
