i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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