are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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