A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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