I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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