so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
