Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
