I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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