the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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