u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
