well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
