And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
