I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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