I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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