In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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