Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
