best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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