Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
