Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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