Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
