You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
