Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
