dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
