I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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