Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
