We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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