omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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