I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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