tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
