i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
