1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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