we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
