I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you traded sex for a burrito?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
