so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
