so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
