I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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