Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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