You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
