Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
